Inherit the Wind

We were discussing what would happen to the lake house in Indiana should something happen to my parents.
We decided that the lake could not be left ot Jacob as inheritance bvecause he would sell it to buy an H-1 HUMMER.

Further pubescent drama

On the way to the lake house this weekend, the kids were in bathing suits preparing for a day at the pool. About half way to North Carolina, Jacob gasps in horror. I turn around only to find him gazing in amazement - well more like disbelief that his body could betray him like this - talking to his armpit he said: "There is a hair in my armpit.....and it's dark!!!!"

He was just aghast - though we have talked openly about the changes that would happen, it was still a shocker.

The next ten minutes were spent by every one in th family trying to reassure him that it woudl be okay. Then Jerra pipes in- "you know when your pits get hairy, it is pretty much a big sign"

Yummy

Jake has been asking me to get him some beef jerky over the past couple of days. Things are tight financially right now, so I have only been buying necessities - and beef jerky wasn't one of those.

Yesterday afternoon the boys were in the front room watching cartoons, when Josh looked at his brother in horror. He had a dark strip and was just munching away. Josh said - what is that
Jake responded- Mom got me some beef jerky
Josh looked closer only to find that Jake was munching happily on "Beggin Strips" -- bacon flavored strips that I bought for the puppy training class - they were in the canister with the other dog biscuits.

They were good, os he finished the one he had started and put the others back - the child is unrepentant, though I think he'll stay out of the puppy treats for a while.

Puberty

Yesterday on the way to football practice, I asked Jacob how school went. The conversation went like this:
Jake: Well, today we learned about puberty.
Mom: Really? What did you learn?
Jake: They put the boys in one room and the girls in another.
Mom: Did you watch a movie?
Jake: There was a lot of stuff they talked about. Lots of girls have already started puberty and their large bones grow faster. When boys start, they get all embarrassed about talking to girls.
Mom: Did they talk about changes in your body?
Jake : Well, when you start to grow hair on your penis, then that is pretty much the sign that you are in puberty.
Mom: Did they talk about how sometimes the penis will act funny
Jake: Yea, like if you have a special kind of relationship with a girl, it can misbehave.
Again at dinner I asked Jake to tell the family what he had learned - since it had seemed he got most of the lesson - all he said was: "Well, when your penis starts to get hairy - that is pretty much a big sign!"

The pond

The new house has a little pond - not sure how many gallos, but it is about 5 feet long and a couple feet deep. When we moved in there was one lone fish - he had weathered at least one winter in the pond alone. We called him Encino like the character from the movie.

Jacob likes the new neighborhood. He has a couple of boys his age, but more importantly, there are woods and he has a place to hang out and get muddy. There is a boy in the neighborhood who is older, but had meningitis in first grade, so he and Jake have that same non-linear thinking and they get along - fishing and catching frogs being their favorite pastimes.

I came home after work one evening not long after we moved in and found the two of them in the back yard. They had caught the fish and the frogs in the pond and put them in buckets. The water lilies were on the sidewalk and they were scrubbing furiously at the sides of the plastic liner for the pond. They had cleaned it out trying to be helpful. Unfortunately, they did not understand that frogs and tadpoles and fish need clean water - but not tap water. Several of the tadpoles bit the dust over night and I had to fish them out.

Skills

Sunday afternoon Jacob and Justin were out in the yard. I want everyone to have a part in the new house - painting, sanding and yard work. So I gave Jacob the duty of gathering all the fallen limbs from the yard and putting them in the fireplace outside to burn. He loved the job - and about an hour after he stared, Justin came out to join him. He had placed several large limbs on the fireplace which were not burning well.

Justin saw this and fixed the fire so that the air could get to the embers. Then he put a branch up against a thick tree and kicked it - breaking the branch in half.

Jacob was astonished - "Man you've got skills!! Why didn't you tell anybody you have those kind of skills?!?"

My son, the carnivore

We went to a Chinese Buffet last night. Jacob, as usual, was in heaven with the array of seafood. First plate was mussels and shrimp. Second plate, King crab legs, Chinese pork ribs (he forgot about the no meat thing and I ignored it) and more shrimp. Then plate three: more crab legs. Then came the question - Mamma, is it okay if I get crawdads? Oddly enough, the only time I have ever eaten crawdads in my life was the night he was conceived - not that I hate them, the idea of eating something that is still looking at me is upsetting. Not for Jake, he loves them. I said it was okay.

He returned to the table with a small pile of steamed crawdads and one poor deep-fired prawn who was skewered from nose to tailfin - eyes intact. ew. After disposing of the crawdads in quick order, he covered them with a napkin. Then began working on the prawn - legs and all. That was more than I could take - so I removed it from his hand and started to peel away the exoskeleton and the legs. Unfortunately, this gave Jake a moment's pause and he saw the crawdad peaking from beneath the napkin "How could you?" he said in the little voice of the crawdad "You ate my tail!" "Save my babies!" From that point he could have eaten whatever he wanted, Josh and I were nearly doubled with laughter as the commentary from the crawdad continued. At least I don't' have to worry about his appetite!

Watch what you're doing with those things.

Today we went to see the new pediatrician. Thought it would be a good idea to find a man, so the boys could chat with him about guy stuff if needed. The office I chose had two men, one of whom is a young Russian immigrant. He seemed nice enough. Asked a lot of questions - twice - which made me wonder if he was just a bit distracted.

After the doc left, I asked Jacob for his opinion. He Whispered very loudly that he was going to have to cut off his left leg from the knee down.

"When he leaned over to listen to my heart, his balls touched my leg....cut it off , cut it off!!!"

Now I was in the room and I assure you the mans balls were covered with pants - but it didn't matter to Jake ---so we'll have to see if he recovers or if we have to find a new pediatrician.

Hey Kool-Aid

We are sitting at dinner, when Jake gets up to get a drink.

" Oh man, the Koolaid is out"
"Jake, all you have to do is put the mix in the container and add the water"
"But I always mess it up"
"How do you mess up KoolAid? Go get the container and the mix.

Jake does this and brings it all to the kitchen table - at which point we yell for him to take it over the sink. He dumps the powder into the container, turns on the water THEN LEAVES THE CONTAINER in the sink, coming back to the table to finish his dinner.
"Gee, maybe my ADHD and lack of ability to focus for more than 20 seconds is causing the problems with the KoolAid!"
Jake is sent back to the sink - but only after he thoroughly chewed the bite in his mouth.

Then he comes back with the container - I shake it and it is fine. Jacob is REALLY amazed that it worked this time!

Those Girls!

Yesterday, Jacob came home late, riding someone else's scooter. He has adapted as well as can be expected considering he wants to go home, too. He found some friends just up the street who go to his school. He isn't thrilled that they are girls, but he plays there just the same.
When he came home, I asked what they were playing there. He said, you know mom, house and all kinds of other stuff. I chuckled and said it seemed like he was having fun.
Jacob told me - NO mom, those girls, they really wear me out!!!

Jacob's Heart

My Family by Jacob; February, 2004

My mom is the best mom. My mom cooks the best meals in the world. My mom is very very loving to me. My mom takes care of me when I am sick. My mom is fun and she is funny. She gives me good kisses. She takes good care of me. My mom makes me happy. My mom gives me good hugs when I am really sad.

My brother shares things like my Nintendo 64. My brother goes swimming with me and then we go home. My brother is funny by beating himself up. My brother is brave. When I am scared, I hold him.

I like to play in the snow and I will throw snowballs at my brother. It's very funny when he throws one back at me and we make a fort out of snow. My favorite recipe is a snow cone. You need snow, flavor a cone and that's it. The End

John Travolta has Nothing on me

During the first week of school, Jacob decided to establish himself as popular. Apparently, in the Fourth Grade, this has a lot to do with what he wears. We have now had several mornings in a row where I just could not let him leave in the attire he had on – too small, too short, just too weird – even for a mom who can barely match her own clothes.

Last Wednesday, Jacob had on an atrocious outfit, blue nylon gym pants that were at least two sizes too small, giving the appearance of a stuffed sausage and a black shirt which was also too small. As he ate breakfast, I brought clothes to change into. While putting on the shirt he told me:
“Well, there goes my being popular. A guy can’t be popular with this shirt on.” I asked why not and he just shook his head. A minute or so later, when I brought in his socks he told me:
“I picked out my wife”
“Do many kids in your class have their wives picked out?” I asked, about to drop my teeth.
“No, just a couple of us.”
“Who is she?”
To protect his future, I will not tell you the little lassie’s name, but it is not the same girl he was in love with last year. “Even if she doesn’t like the shirt, I still have some dance moves that will keep me popular.” At this he looked me straight in the eye and said “ I have some great moves and girls like it if you can dance”

Donuts

This is not a Jacob story, but every time I hear it, "Steve" reminds me of Jacob. Couldn't resist using this format to share.

There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending Seminary in Utah. In this Seminary, classes are held during school hours. Brother Christianson taught Seminary at this particular school. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Bro. Christianson's Seminary class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.

One day, Bro. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Bro. Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, "You think you're pretty tough, don't you?"

Steve's answer was, "Yeah, I do."

Then Bro. Christianson asked, "How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Bro. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know...I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?", again, asked Bro. Christianson.
"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it?" I need you to tell me you can do it," Bro. Christianson said.

Steve said, "Well...I think I can...yeah, I can do it."

Bro. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, Bro. Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren't the normal kinds of donuts. They were the extra fancy, BIG kind with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.

Bro. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want a donut?" Cynthia said, "Yes."

Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" Steve said, "Sure," and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Bro. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Bro. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe,do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes."

Bro. Christianson asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups,! Joe got a donut.

And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Bro. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacked
for female companionship. When Bro. Christianson asked, "Scott, do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?"

Bro. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then." Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

Steve started to do ten push-ups. Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Bro. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Bro. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Bro. Christianson asked Jenny," Jenny, do you want a donut?"
Jenny said, "No."
Then Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten, Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and
brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Bro. Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Bro. Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Bro. Christianson realized this, he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Bro. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a tough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Steve asked Bro. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?" Bro. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push-ups. You can do them any way that you want." And Bro. Christianson went on. A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Bro. Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in, you will have to do ten push-ups for him?" Steve said, "Yes, let him come in." Bro. Christianson said, "Okay, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"
"Yes."
"Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?"
Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Bro. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those seated on the heaters.

Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular.
Bro. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a donut?"
Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."
Bro. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.
Then Bro. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked, "Bro. Christianson, can I help him?"

Bro. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, he has to do it alone. Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Bro. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, 'Into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He
had done everything that was required of Him, He collapsed on the cross and died."

"And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift, on the desk, uneaten”

Can I help?

November 2003
We went to Branson over Thanksgiving and stayed at a condo with my parents. Branson was more fun than I anticipated, and the mall was great. There was a clown making balloon animals at a little stand, right next to the pizza place where we decided to have dinner. Jake watched in amazement for a little while. Then sauntered up to the man and asked if he could help. The clown nodded and jake got comfortable at teh table right next to the clown, like he was meant to sit there. He sat for an hour watching as Mickey Mouse and poodles and a giraffe were neatly crafted. He held the balloons and helped while the man twisted and turned. He smiled graciously at the customers and thanked them when they put tips in the jar.We watched from a couple fo tables away, amazed at his lack of self-consciousness that stops others from doing exactly what they want.
When we got ready to leave, he thanked the man for letting him help. The man smiled and made him three balloons shaped like an alien. Jake treasured those all the way home and they stayed in his room until the helium finally collapsed.

Cereal Killer

May, 2004

Jacob has a friend from school who was in his special ed class. This little guy spent the night but could not get comfortable or settled down. WE had to keep remaking the bed on the floor, piling more and more covers until he finally got comfortable and fell asleep. While he was sleeping, he wet the bed. Not a big deal, except that he didn’t tell me. The five blankets beneath him and his pajamas were left on the floor – wet – for most of the day.
Needless to say, I was feeling a little cautious about having him stay overnight again. This little guy is also having a lot of emotional problems and has been leaving strange messages on the answering machine. One time he left a series of messages to the effect that if Jacob did not call him back immediately their relationship was over. Odd for a 9 year old.

When he called asking to come over and stay again, Jerra piped in saying that she read 80% of serial killers used to wet the bed (don't know if there is any truth to this).

Jacob immediately defended his friend saying, “ Mom, he doesn't even eat cereal - his mom is on that same kind of diet you guys are on. She thinks cereal is bad for him.”

Pictionary

November 2003

The kids and I were having dinner at Don Pablo’s on a busy Friday night. Since we were getting restless, we decided to play pictionary. Josh started and Jerra guessed the picture. Then it was Jerra’s turn and she drew a little smiley face and Jake guessed it. Then he took the paper and covered the sheet with his arms as though protecting a great secret. Jerra asked what he was doing. “ I don’t want you to peek!” Uh Jake, the whole point of the game is for us to see and guess the picture! We all burst out laughing.

My Buddy lives here…When Jacob disappears

August 2001

Even though we have only been in this neighborhood for about 6 months, Jacob knows every kid in the neighborhood. He has a constant problem with not telling us where he is going and is notorious for being somewhere new when we go to find him. When he was smaller, I would check every half hour or so. But the daily grind of checking for him gave way to a more practical approach.

I bought a watch with an alarm so that he would know to come home when the alarm went off. Unfortunately, he just had his friends turn off the alarm and continued playing. Therefore, the task continues to try to get him to report in with some regularity. This is not a defiance issue – he just is friends with everyone and goes off to play with another friend when the first has gone in for the night. I have been blessed with other neighborhood mothers who are patient with him and remind him to check in.

Usually I can find him among the scores of children on the two streets around us, but one night, I couldn't find him among any of those kids. Their reports that he had been seen riding hours ago in the direction away from the house only increased my fears.

After driving through the neighborhood looking for him for over an hour, I went to the next neighborhood over. A road that runs through both neighborhoods and is not busy attaches it - but I don't know anyone in that area. It was only a few moments before I saw his bike strewn in a front yard. I knocked on the door - but there was no answer. I called out for him, but got no response. Finally, I ran into the owner of the house. He was a big man with an oxygen tank. He said he had a couple of boys and that Jake came over there to play with his son. By the dad's report, Jake had been there for about an hour, and he had been there before. I gave him my number so that he could call if Jake came over again. Jake didn't get why it was a problem to be SO far from the house and not check in. "I knew it was okay mom, my buddy lives here!"

Whatsoever you do…

October 7, 2001
Three days ago, I got a new Prizm and traded in my repair-plagued Jeep. All the trips to the dealership were costing more than my car payment, so I opted to use that 0% financing and buy a new one. I feel I have spent more than my share of time in the company of the tow-truck driver.

On Saturday, Josh had basketball practice and I had to go back across town to pick him up when it was over. As I was leaving, I told Jake to get in the car. The temperature was dropping and he had muddy shoes, so I had him take them off and get in. Once we got to the school, it seemed to be taking a long time for Josh to come out, so I turned off the car and left Jacob inside while I ran into the building.

When I came out, he had climbed into the backseat and was playing with come cards I had brought. When I tried to start the car, it would not start. They key in the ignition would not move. This in my brand-new car! The reality finally sunk in that we were going to have to walk to the nearest phone - a fire station about 4 blocks up. So I wrapped up both boys in blankets and took off my shoes - giving them to Jake to walk on the sidewalk.

Once we got there the firemen, Scott and Daryl, were friendly and hospitable. I tried to get the boys to sit quietly and wait while I dialed into the roadside assistance line. It worked for about two minutes - until the firemen removed a sausage pizza from the oven. Jake got up and watched the first man start to eat. I told him to sit - but to no avail. He said " Boy, that sure looks good. I am really hungry". So the kind firemen offered Jake a piece - then Josh. No point in trying to teach manners when you have two hungry boys.

Those two men made the kids really feel at home. The told the boys about the other fire stations in town and that they no longer had a dog – but did have a nice cast-iron one out in front of the station. When Jake realized that there was only one piece of pizza left, he asked how many pieces other people had already had - in the hope that he would get the last piece. Scott told him it was spoken for, but got him some water to wash it all down. They even let him look at the fire truck. Pretty cool. One of the guys admired his lovely shoes and remarked that he should consider wearing them to school. Jake blushed and said they were yucky girl shoes!

We walked back down to the church and waited for the tow truck. The boys sat in the vestibule where it was warm and I went into the chapel. It was a nice spot - and Jake came in, genuflecting in front of the tiny alter. He thought it would be cool to sleep there. He wrapped up on the blanket and lay down on the ground.

Once the tow truck came, we all loaded up and dropped off the car. The driver then asked if he could call us a cab - but the dispatcher told him to just take us home. What a blessing to be in town when the car doesn't work.

I will say as my own little commentary to this story, that even though the irony of having the new car towed after only three days was a bit overwhelming; at every opportunity God placed someone in our path who was compassionate and kind to us - offering us food, a phone, a warm place to sit and a ride home. This is miraculous because I was barefoot - Jake and I were both dirty (I had been cleaning house) and none of us had a coat - only my old Indian blankets from the trunk!! What a site we must have been.

Santa is Satan

Dec 2003
Jake's Dad and their family were dedicated at a church about a month ago. I like that they are going to church as a family. He went to a Christmas party and asked one of the ladies if Santa was going to come and bring presents. She told him that if you add an N to santa that he is satan. Jake was demolished. She also told him that Santa was a fraud. After I was finished being aghast at this persons lack of sensitivity, I took action. The Christian bookstore had a special book called “A Place for Santa” which talks about the history of St Nicholas and how Santa does what he does out of love for Jesus and how he gives Jesus a list of all the good things people have done for each other all year. Lovely book. Not sure yet if he has recovered, but seems like he will.

Little Red

March, 2004

When Dan and I got married, he had an old Chevy S-10 that had been rolled a couple fo times and was showing it’s age. We called the truck “Little Red”. After Jerra’s accident, she had to drive Little Red, all through the winter and into the spring. At the beginning of March, Dan bought several cars at auction, giving Jerra a more appealing van to drive instead of Little Red. On a Tuesday afternoon, Joshua had detention and had to stay after school. I had a planning meeting for the new hospital, so Jacob came home alone. I know better than to let this happen, but somehow I missed it – so when I called to check in at the house, Jake answered the phone and told me he was alone. He said “ Mom, wait until you see what I did to Little Red!”
I asked him to tell me what he did. “ Mom, it looks so much better. Wiat until you see it. I painted it.”
I stopped breathing. “What did you use to paint it?”
He said he found some spray paint in the front seat. Oh, yea, I remember the spray paint.

When I got home, he showed me the pickup. He had sprayed red paint over all the little dings and scratches, covering the head lights, but otherwise staying to the red parts of the truck. Then he had taken the gold spray paint and detailed the truck. Down each side was a wave of gold paint – at least it was symmetrical. Around the windows and the license plate were similar details. He was really proud of his job. I admonished him to ask in the future before he painted anything. He said he was glad he painted it because it was so beautiful. And it is – oddly painted, but beautiful. When Dan came home, he was very upset about the truck, but only told Jake that he was upset with him over the paint job. Jacob said he wasn’t sorry, and that the truck was ugly before with all the brown marks, but now it was pretty and Dan should be happy that Jake cleaned it up for him!